May 5, 2025 | By Dr. Kristy Brecke
What Should I Say When Someone Is Struggling With Their Mental Health?
Starting the conversation can feel awkward — but knowing how to help someone struggling with mental health may be one of the most important things you ever do for someone you love.
How to Start the Conversation
If you suspect a friend, family member, or coworker is having a tough time, you do not need to have all the answers. You just need to show up. Try opening with curiosity rather than advice:
“I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself lately. Is everything okay? Would it help to talk about it?”
Many people hide mental health challenges because they fear judgment or unwanted intervention. Your goal is not to fix them — it is to show care and acceptance.
Three Ways to Offer Support
Affirm Your Presence
“I care about you and I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer is consistency. Let them know you are not going anywhere.
Validate Their Feelings
“It sounds like things have been really hard. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Validation does not mean agreeing with everything they think or feel. It means acknowledging that their experience is real and that it matters.
Create a Safe Space
“If now isn’t a good time, you can call or text me later. I’ll respond as soon as I can.”
Removing the pressure to talk right now can actually make it easier for someone to open up. Let them lead.
When to Gently Suggest Professional Help
If the person seems to be carrying more than they can handle on their own, it is okay to gently raise the idea of therapy. You might say:
“Does it ever feel too heavy to handle on your own? If talking with me isn’t enough, I can help you find a therapist or other support.”
You do not need to push. Planting the seed is enough. Many people need to hear the idea more than once before they feel ready to act on it.
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Key Reminders When Supporting Someone
- Be patient. Recovery and openness take time. Do not rush them toward a solution.
- Listen more than you speak. Resist the urge to fix, advise, or redirect. Just listen.
- Avoid judgment. What they share may surprise you. Stay calm and open.
- Check in regularly. A simple “thinking of you” text goes a long way.
- Take care of yourself too. Supporting someone who is struggling can be emotionally draining. Make sure you have your own support system in place.
Ultimately, people often need to feel heard and accepted — not advised. Your presence is more powerful than any perfect words.
About the Author
Dr. Kristy Brecke is a Doctor of Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Dr Brecke Counseling Group in Eagan MN. She specializes in anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship concerns for individuals, teens, and families throughout the Twin Cities.
If you or someone you love is struggling, our team is here to help. Most insurance plans are accepted and new clients are typically seen within a few days to one week.
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For crisis or urgent situations, please call 911 for an emergency. For urgent mental health support when your therapist is not available, call the national crisis number at 988.